Squatters and Sniffers

No, not sniffers of squatters. No one wants to sniff a squatter. These are two separate stories...

First, squatters. If you know me well you know I'm not one for bathroom stories, but this was just too good. For those of you who are unaware of the public restroom situation in China - and most of Asia, I think - it's not always so pretty. Squatters are used rather than western toilets, although toilets are typically found in homes. Allow me to illustrate:

As you can see, squatters range from totally terrifying to not so bad - just like any other public restrooms with western toilets. However, they do have this uncanny ability to all of the sudden make it so you don't have to go anymore...weird...Well, so my parents are here and it's been such a fun week. But last week while we were out to lunch my mom and I both had to use the restroom. We asked the restaurant and the cute girl took us outside and through a side door that led to the kitchen. There was literally three pieces of tin leaned up against the wall with a squatter/hole in the ground - seriously one of the worst I've seen. I don't know if you could even call it a squatter. I'm talking mom through what she's gonna have to do and after a minute we both just decided that it was too bad and we couldn't do it - needed to find somewhere else.

We walked across the street to the Pearl Market, located the W.C., and resumed the pep-talk. I'm talking my mom through what do to and giving her as much confidence as I can. As we are both standing outside the stall staring at the squatter I'm saying things like, "You can do this. It's not as bad as you think it's going to be. We're not talking a squat like you do in the gym, we're talking a China squat. Actually they're more sanitary than toilets!" And she's saying things like, "Okay...I just don't know...I'm getting old...Can my knees take it?" The pressure is mounting and I'm trying to psyche her up as best I can. As my mom lifts her foot to step up in to the stall, we think this is the moment, and the restroom attendant grabbed her arm. She was an older woman and in Chinese started saying, "Come here, come over here." She pulled my mom away from the squatter and over towards the handicapped stall. I'm thinking, "Oh, how nice, maybe it's bigger or something...however she's totally throwing off our groove here." She swings open the door to the handicapped stall and it was like there were lights shining down from heaven and angels singing - a western toilet! I threw my arms in the air and screamed, "It's a toilet!" My mom threw her arms around the woman and it was like she was sobbing with no tears, "A toilet! Thank you, thank you so much, thank you." In my mom's own words, "I have never been so happy to see a toilet in my entire life!"

Yes my mom has tried and succeeded at using a squatter since - in fact I've used more squatters in the last week than I have since we've been here because of all the site seeing we've been doing. But in that moment, that toilet was like a gift from the heavens.

Sniffers. Okay, so we're rather used to the staring and spy pics - so much that it doesn't really phase us any more. We get stared at all the time and get pictures taken of us pretty often when we go out, especially when we are at a famous site or attraction. Again, allow me to illustrate with this picture I took of a man taking a picture of us while at the zoo:

Nice, right? So, the pictures and staring don't really get to me, we're used to it. But last Saturday when we were at the zoo I had an experience that reached a new level and really threw me off my game.

We were outside the Beijing Zoo and I was buying tickets for me, Al, and my parents. I was walking through the crowd and I saw a man staring at me in a way that Alex and I call the "Gazer Beam". :) Again, I didn't think much of it. He was staring as he was walking towards me, I was still not alarmed. He was getting closer and closer, about to pass me, and right before he passed me he crossed the line. This guy gets right up in my grill, I'm talkin' shoulder/crook of my neck area, and he takes a big whiff of...me. He smelled me! Sniffed me! And I'm not talking a little sniff, I'm talking a big ol' whiff, like he was trying to take it all in. It caught me so off guard I just didn't know what to do. I couldn't think of anything to say, in Chinese or English, I was just so thrown off. I just looked at him and raised my arms as if to say, "What the heck was that?" He kept walking through the crowd, I think he was embarrassed that I noticed, but seriously? I wasn't supposed to notice you in the crook of my neck? I mean, I'm no Sherlock Holmes, but it was kinda hard to miss. I would like to thank the sniffing man though, because he taught me a new lesson about myself: I guess I'm okay with pictures and staring, but smelling just crosses the line for me.

Well that's all, the best stories of the week. Maybe our favorites from the last six weeks! We have had a great time with my parents and are already sad that my mom will be leaving in two weeks. Hope this post finds you all well!

Al and Whit